Committing to each other
Committing to each other, whether through an engagement, a civil partnership (the PACS in France) or a wedding, starts with talking about your shared plans before planning the celebration. Preparing calmly means clarifying what you each expect, sharing out the tasks and making room for both your families. This guide helps you through these steps, and helps you keep a record of your story.
Why support matters at this moment
Preparing to commit brings many expectations together: the couple's, the families', sometimes different traditions. Practical arrangements often take over, crowding out the deeper questions that are worth raising at this point: plans, values, each person's place. Being supported helps you open these conversations, ease any tensions and put into words what binds you, for instance when writing your vows.
Signs that support would help you
- Planning the celebration takes over every conversation, and you no longer make time to talk about yourselves.
- Your two families have different expectations or traditions, and decisions are becoming delicate.
- You would like to write your vows or a text for the ceremony, but don't know where to begin.
- One of you is carrying most of the preparation and is running out of steam.
- You would like to tell your story to your guests, or keep it for your future children.
Our advice, step by step
Talk about your plans before the party
Set aside some time, with no screens or to-do lists, to discuss what this commitment means to each of you: where you will live, children, work, the place of your families, how you handle money. These questions don't need settling straight away, but talking them through avoids many misunderstandings.
Choose the form that suits you
Engagement, civil partnership, civil or religious wedding: each form of commitment has its own meaning and legal consequences. Ask your town hall or a notary about the effects of each, particularly on property, so that you can decide with full knowledge.
Set your budget and priorities together
Before visiting venues or asking for quotes, each choose three things that really matter to you. These shared priorities then guide your decisions and help you resist comparisons and outside pressure.
Share out the roles
Preparation carried by one person quickly becomes a burden. Divide the tasks according to your tastes and availability, involve the witnesses or relatives who offer to help, and plan a regular check-in between the two of you.
Make room for each family
Bringing two families together means welcoming habits, languages or traditions that may differ. Arrange for them to meet before the big day, and include something from each side in the ceremony or celebration: a piece of music, a dish, a reading.
Write down your shared story
How did you meet, what have you been through together, what made you decide? Putting these memories in writing feeds into your vows and your family's speeches, and leaves you something to reread in years to come.
Protect time for the two of you
In the final weeks, set aside evenings when planning is off the table. The commitment is first and foremost about your relationship, and these moments let you arrive at the big day fully present for each other.
Filomy by your side, at every moment that matters
A poll shared by link lets both families choose between several dates, with a closing date and results everyone can see.
Poll →The invitation page takes 2 minutes to create; replies (yes, no, maybe, number of companions) come in real time and latecomers can be reminded in one click.
Invitations & RSVP →The memory book lets several contributors tell the couple's life chapter by chapter, and it can be printed: your story, written by you and those close to you.
Memory book →The time capsule lets you write a message today that will be delivered in 1, 5 or 10 years: a letter to yourselves as a couple, to open when the time comes.
Time capsule →
A tailored path
Olivier Paris, coach and biographer, has spent more than 5 years helping individuals and teams in the art of telling their own story. For a couple making a commitment, he builds a personalised path: turning your shared history into a story, and preparing to write your vows or a text for your loved ones, drawing on expressive writing and structured storytelling.
Build my path with Olivier →Filomy partner · coach and biographer · life-story writing workshops in Marseille and the PACA region
Frequently asked questions
How long does it take to plan a wedding?
For a wedding with a large guest list, people often allow eight to twelve months, particularly to book the venue and send the save the date. An engagement party or a civil partnership celebration usually takes a few weeks to prepare.
How do you write your wedding vows?
Start from a specific memory of your story, say what the other person brings you, then make one or two concrete promises. One to two minutes is enough; write them separately, agreeing only on length and tone.
How do you bring together two families who barely know each other?
Arrange a first meeting in a relaxed setting, before the big milestones, and give each family a role in the preparations. An engagement is often the occasion for that first gathering.
Can you celebrate a civil partnership?
Yes. Nothing requires it, but many couples mark their civil partnership with a meal or a party with family and friends. Filomy's invitations and guest book then work just as they do for an engagement or a wedding.