Coping with grief
There is no manual for getting over a bereavement: you move through it at your own pace, gradually learning to live with the absence. What helps is not being alone, being able to talk about the person who has died and finding a way to keep their memory alive. This guide brings together practical pointers for the weeks and months after a loss.
Why support matters at this moment
Grief unsettles your emotions, your daily life and your relationships all at once, often just when you have the least energy to cope. Being supported gives you a chance to put words to what you are going through, to avoid carrying every decision and memory alone, and to feel that your sorrow is acknowledged. That support may come from family and friends, a bereavement group or a professional; it does not replace time, but it prevents isolation. When distress is severe or does not ease, seeing a GP or a psychologist is an important step, and in no way a sign of weakness.
Signs that support would help you
- Several months on, you feel there is no one you can talk to about the person you have lost.
- Your sleep, appetite or concentration remain disrupted for a long time.
- You avoid places, dates or objects that remind you of them, to the point of withdrawing from others.
- You are handling the paperwork and decisions on your own, with no one to lean on.
- You would like to pay tribute to them or write about them, but do not know where to begin.
Our advice, step by step
Accept that grief is not a straight line
Grief comes in waves: calmer days can be followed by a sudden wave of sadness, set off by a song or a date. This is not a step backwards; it is simply how grief tends to unfold. Reminding yourself of this helps you be less hard on yourself.
Tell people what you need
Friends and family often want to help but do not know how, and sometimes fall silent for fear of saying the wrong thing. Asking plainly for a meal, some company, or simply for them to say your loved one's name makes things easier for everyone. You are also entitled to say when you would rather be alone.
Protect your daily routine
In the first weeks, a few anchors are enough: eating at regular times, getting out for a walk, sleeping as much as you can. Where possible, put off major decisions such as moving house or selling property. Your body carries grief too, and it needs looking after.
Gather memories with others
The messages, photos and stories each person holds about the one who has died make up a portrait no one has on their own. Collecting them together can reveal unexpected sides of them and lets you share the sorrow. This can happen around the funeral or much later.
Write, even just a few lines
Writing a letter to the person who has died, noting down a memory or what you wish you had told them helps bring some order to what is churning inside. The point is not to write well but to set down what weighs on you. These pages can stay private or, later on, be shared.
Plan ahead for difficult dates
Birthdays, the festive season and the anniversary of the death often bring the absence sharply back. Deciding in advance how you will spend them, alone or with others, with a simple ritual such as lighting a candle, taking a walk or sharing a meal, makes them easier to bear.
Know when to seek help
If sadness stops you living your life for a long time, if nothing eases after many months or if dark thoughts appear, speak to your GP or a psychologist without delay. Bereavement charities also run support groups. Asking for help is part of the journey.
Filomy by your side, at every moment that matters
A remembrance guest book gathers messages, photos, videos and voice notes from loved ones, left via a link, QR code or WhatsApp, with no app or account. Moderation lets you read each contribution first, and everything can be printed as cards or a book for the family.
Online guest book →The memory book lets several people tell the life of the person who has died, chapter by chapter, and then print it. It is a way of passing on who they were to those who come after.
Memory book →The free time capsule delivers a message written today in 1, 5 or 10 years, so that grandchildren, for instance, can one day discover who their grandparent was.
Time capsule →For those around a grieving person, birthday reminders alert you automatically before important dates, for free: a simple way to remember to send a few words on the days that matter to them.
Birthday reminders →
A tailored path
To go further, Olivier Paris, a coach and biographer trained in therapeutic writing, builds personalised paths tailored to each situation. In bereavement, his approach, which combines expressive writing and narrative therapy, can help you find words for the loss and tell the story of the person who has died. This writing work supports the process; it does not replace medical or psychological care.
Build my path with Olivier →Filomy partner · coach and biographer · life-story writing workshops in Marseille and the PACA region
Frequently asked questions
How long does grief last?
There is no normal timescale. For many people the intensity eases over the months, but certain dates can bring the pain back for years. If the suffering remains just as sharp after a long time, or stops you living your life, it is worth talking to a GP or a psychologist.
Can a coach help with bereavement?
A coach or biographer can help you find words for the loss, write, and pass on the memory of someone close. This is neither therapy nor medical care: when distress is severe or lasting, a GP or a psychologist is the right person to see.
How can we collect messages from people who could not attend the funeral?
An online guest book lets them leave a message, photo, video or voice note from a link, QR code or WhatsApp, with no app or account. You can read each contribution before it is published.
Is the remembrance guest book free?
It is free up to 50 contributions. Beyond that, it becomes unlimited with a box or a one-time unlock of €39.90.