Becoming a parent
Becoming a parent is about more than a baby's arrival: it also brings a new identity, a relationship that has to reorganise itself and family ties that shift. To go through this transition well, it helps to prepare together, to accept that you will not know everything and to surround yourself with support. Here are practical pointers for the months before and after the birth.
Why support matters at this moment
A new baby packs a great many changes into a short time: tiredness, new responsibilities, a fresh look at your own childhood and at your parents. Being supported helps you step back from all this, put words to what you feel, including when it is not the happiness you expected, and shape a way of parenting that suits you. That support can come from family and friends, from maternity and early-years professionals, or from more personal guidance.
Signs that support would help you
- You feel overwhelmed by the pace but dare not say so, for fear of seeming ungrateful.
- As a couple, you barely talk about anything but logistics, and tension is building.
- Your own family history is resurfacing, with questions about what you do or do not want to pass on.
- You feel you have lost sight of the person you were before becoming a parent.
- Sadness or exhaustion persists beyond the first few weeks.
Our advice, step by step
Talk about your expectations before the birth
Sharing the workload, parental leave, the grandparents' role, the values you want to bring up your child with: talking these through before the baby arrives avoids many misunderstandings. The aim is not to settle everything, but to know what each of you is counting on. You can come back to these conversations as the months go by.
Accept help, and be specific
People often say "let me know if you need anything" without knowing what would actually help. Replying with a specific request, such as a meal, some shopping or an hour of babysitting, makes that help genuinely useful. Accepting help is not a weakness; it is a way of making room for others around your child.
Arrange visits without wearing yourselves out
Everyone wants to meet the baby, but the first weeks are also a time for rest and adjustment. Suggesting time slots, keeping visits short and protecting some days with no visitors at all helps keep the family on an even keel.
Keep time for your relationship
Even a short, regular moment to talk about something other than feeds and broken nights helps a couple stay a couple. Saying what feels hard, without blame, lets you adjust how things are shared before tiredness turns small frictions into arguments.
Take tiredness and low mood seriously
Feeling low in the days after the birth is common. If sadness, anxiety or exhaustion lasts more than two weeks, or worries you, talk to your midwife, health visitor, GP or a psychologist. This applies to fathers as well as mothers.
Keep a record of the early days
The first months fly by, and tiredness blurs many memories. Jotting down a few lines, keeping the messages you received at the birth or writing a letter to your child gives you something precious for later, for you and for them.
Think about what you want to pass on
Becoming a parent often brings your own childhood back to mind. Taking time to think about what you want to pass on, and what you would rather do differently, helps you shape your role as a parent with intention. Asking your parents or grandparents about their own story can feed into this.
Filomy by your side, at every moment that matters
To announce the birth, a personalised card with a message, photo, audio or video is shared with a single link or QR code, for free.
Personalised card →The online guest book collects welcome messages, photos, videos and voice notes from loved ones via link, QR code or WhatsApp, with no app or account. Contributions can later be printed.
Online guest book →The Family wall brings photos and news together all year round, easy for grandparents to browse, with no account needed for family members (subscription).
Family wall →The free time capsule delivers a message written today in 1, 5 or 10 years: a letter to your child, to be discovered later.
Time capsule →
A tailored path
To go further, Olivier Paris, a coach and biographer, builds personalised paths tailored to each situation. When you become a parent, his approach, combining expressive writing and structured storytelling, can help you take stock of your own story, clarify what you want to pass on and find your place in this new chapter. He also runs "telling your own story" writing workshops in Marseille and the wider Provence-Alpes-Côte d'Azur region.
Build my path with Olivier →Filomy partner · coach and biographer · life-story writing workshops in Marseille and the PACA region
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal not to feel instant joy after the birth?
Yes, it is common. For many parents, the bond with their child grows over days and weeks, amid tiredness and adjustment. If sadness or anxiety persists or worries you, talk to your midwife, health visitor or GP.
How can we look after our relationship after having a baby?
By setting aside regular moments to talk, even short ones, reviewing together how tasks are shared and saying what weighs on you before tiredness magnifies it. An outside perspective can help when conversations become difficult.
How can we share baby photos with the grandparents?
The Family wall brings photos and news together all year round; it is easy for older relatives to browse and family members do not need an account.
Do friends and family need an account to leave a welcome message?
No. The guest book opens via a link, a QR code or WhatsApp, with no app or account. It is free up to 50 contributions.